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Conflict Resolution Script (DESC)

communication · medium · 5 minutes to prepare, 10 minutes for the conversation

What is Conflict Resolution Script (DESC)?

The DESC script for assertive conflict resolution: Describe the behavior, Express how it affects you, Specify what you want, Consequences (positive if they agree, negative if they don't). Used in corporate training, therapy, and military leadership for decades.

Is there evidence for it?

EVIDENCEstrong

How do you do Conflict Resolution Script (DESC)?

  1. 1.D — DESCRIBE: state the specific behavior factually, without judgment. 'When you check your phone during our conversations...' (not 'You're so rude and disrespectful')
  2. 2.E — EXPRESS: share the emotional impact using I-statements. '...I feel unimportant and frustrated...' (not 'You make me feel...' which is blame)
  3. 3.S — SPECIFY: make a clear, specific, behavioral request. '...I'd like you to put your phone face-down when we're talking...'
  4. 4.C — CONSEQUENCES: state the positive outcome. '...because I think our conversations would be so much better, and I'd feel more connected to you.' (For repeated issues, you can add: 'If this continues, I'll need to...')
  5. 5.Practice on medium-stakes conflicts first (not your biggest relationship issue). DESC works for workplace conflicts, roommate issues, family dynamics, and romantic partnerships. The key: prepare your script BEFORE the conversation, not during it

How long does it take?

5 minutes to prepare, 10 minutes for the conversation.

Is it hard to start?

medium.

Source: Sharon Anthony Bower (Asserting Yourself), DESC script in assertiveness training, corporate conflict resolution
communication · relationships · career · confidence · stress · emotional
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