Post-Argument Repair Protocol

What is Post-Argument Repair Protocol?

Gottman's research: it's not whether you fight that predicts divorce — it's whether you REPAIR. This protocol helps you reconnect after conflict. The 24-hour rule: within 24 hours of a fight, initiate repair. Waiting longer lets resentment crystallize.

Is there evidence for it?

How do you do Post-Argument Repair Protocol?

1. 1.Within 24 hours of the fight, initiate repair. Say: 'I want to talk about what happened, not to fight again, but to understand each other better. Can we do that?'
2. 2.Take turns sharing your subjective experience. Not 'you did X' but 'When X happened, I felt Y because of Z.' No interrupting. Use a timer if needed (3 minutes each)
3. 3.Validate before problem-solving: 'I can see why you felt that way. That makes sense.' You don't have to AGREE — just acknowledge their experience is real and valid
4. 4.Own your part: 'My contribution to this fight was ___.' Even if you were only 10% wrong, own that 10%. This breaks the blame loop and invites reciprocity
5. 5.End with a repair ritual: a hug, an inside joke, making tea together, going for a walk. The nervous system needs a physical signal that the threat is over and you're reconnected

How long does it take?

15-30 minutes for the conversation.

Is it hard to start?

hard.

This is one entry from the library Shift matches against. It is general information, not advice about you, and nothing on this page came from anyone's conversation.